You can miss what you have never had.

* First of all if you offend easily, please do not read this post. It includes many strong opinions of mine, and some vulgar language. Also, if you do read this and do not agree with my opinions, please don't try and argue with me. You chose to read it, I did not force my opinions on you, so please don't force yours on me. With that said....here we go!

A good friend of mine said "whoever said that you can't miss what you never had, clearly has never been infertile," and she is absolutely right. As women who can't have kids we miss out on so much more than someone who can have kids, even thinks about. Other than the obvious-carrying a child composed of your and your significant others DNA, experiencing childbirth, breastfeeding, and having a child that you can call your own, there is so much more that we are missing out on. I would give anything to feel a child kick in my belly, I would give anything to see an ultrasound of my unborn child, I would be eternally grateful to puke my guts out everyday if I knew it was morning sickness! I would love to have my ankles swell and waddle like a penguin or to be able to shop for maternity clothes. Also, when you adopt, you may have missed out on a lot of the baby's development because of the age that the baby is when you adopt it. Things like first smiles or giggles or rolling over or even teething. The good friend that I have already quoted' has adopted three boys.....and even though she loves them as much, if not more, than any normal mother, she still feels a little pain when the doctor asks for something as simple as birth weight, and she doesn't know the answer because she wasn't there. I cry every month. Every time that period shows up I bawl my eyes out. Even though I know the chances of me being pregnant this month are .01%, I will get my hopes up and analyze every possible symptom and get let down. It is my own fault for getting my hopes up, but there is nothing in the world that I want more, so I can't help it. I know that someday, whether it is through In Vitro, or adoption I will get to experience being a mother, but until then I will continue this cycle of monthly suffering.

Now that you know what pain I go through every month, you might be able to understand how I could get so upset when people who don't deserve kids, get kids. I get so damn angry about this topic, because clearly I am passionate. Sometimes I even wonder if there is a higher power or God because of who he let's have children. I am a good person and will be a good mother and provide a good stable home for my children, and yet some druggie, or prostitute, or abusive person, or even completely broke person gets to have kids and I don't. What am I supposed to believe after what I see? Nothing pisses me off more than seeing children in the system because of abuse or neglect or because their parents do drugs. Children are innocent and don't deserve that. I HATE seeing a pregnant person smoke or drink. You are deliberately hurting the child growing inside you, and you shouldn't be a parent. You have no idea what damage you are causing. I have seen babies come out looking like raisins or a 2 yr old who has to have oxygen and asthma treatments because his mom smoked when she was carrying him. If you drink while you are pregnant, I hate you. That's all there is to it.... Years ago, kids were being misdiagnosed with ADHD and other mental disorders, when really it was Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Doctors have gotten better with their diagnosing, but children's brains are still damaged. What pisses me off is that even pregnancy books say that you can have a glass or 2 of wine with dinner while you are pregnant, yet doctors can't tell you the exact amount of alcohol that causes Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. So that glass or 2 you drink, can still cause neurological and developmental problems in your baby. Basically STOP SMOKING AND DRINKING IF YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!! Don't even get me started on doing drugs while you are pregnant.....imagine my anger times a million. And I don't want to hear how hard it is to quit smoking. I quit exactly one year ago today. Happy Quit Smoking Anniversary to ME!!!! I quit cold turkey, after 11 years of smoking and I did it to be healthier. If I had found out I was pregnant before then, I would have quit that exact second, because I would never ever want to harm my child. All it takes is WILL POWER. Trust me, I know, I quit all on my own!

* Now before I get on this next topic, I want to make it known that I do understand accidents happen, and people can't help certain circumstances. I am only bitching about people who can help what they do, and choose not to. If you can't afford to have a child, and by that I mean that if you have no job or are already on any kind of welfare, you should not be getting pregnant. For starters you are taking taxpayers money to live off of, and second if you are that broke, what kind of environment are you bringing a child into? I want to give a child a home where we can afford toys and tools for learning. I don't ever want to worry about my child being cold or hot or going without baths because I can't pay my bills. On top of everything else, if you are stressed about money or anything for that matter, your kids will notice. Kids feed off of your emotions. Honestly I could take out a $20,000 loan for In Vitro RIGHT NOW, but I wont, even though a child is what I want most. Why? Because then we would be struggling financially and I wouldn't finish school in the time I want to. So that would mean I would mess up our future and a child's because we would be having a welfare baby. So already, I am looking out for the best interest of my future children. Oh and the last thing I ever want to hear is that you couldn't afford birth control. BIRTH CONTROL IS FREE. That is why they have places like Planned Parenthood or Health and Welfare. Abstinence is always an option too. I'm just saying....There are soooooo many ways to prevent pregnancy.

Before I finish, I just want to say that I do know that bad stuff happens to bad people. This isn't directed at anyone who has had children but lost their job or any circumstance like that. This is directed at lazy, pathetic people who have no ambition and think kids are accessories or ways of getting money from the government. Some people even have kids for attention. Pathetic. Also, if you were on birth control and somehow got pregnant I am in no way mad at you. Clearly you are meant to have a baby right now :)

As you can tell, this is something I feel very strongly about. I want to scream at people who don't deserve kids, to give their baby to me. Especially the ones who have abortions. But THAT is a whole new topic. I will gladly take in a child that you don't want and give them a good home.

Now that I got that off of my mind, here is a quick movie review: Expendables gets 4 1/2 out of 5 stars from me. It was exactly what you expected going in, it was full of action, explosions, and bad ass men kicking ass. There was even pretty good acting. The only thing I thought was missing was more love story, but that is the woman in me speaking :) Have a good week everyone and thanks for listening to me vent!